Been over a year

Hard to believe that your birthday has come and gone.  How has a yr gone by and continued on?  You were in our arms for 30min before we said good bye.  How have you been gone for a year already I don't know.  It still feel like yesterday a lot of the time.  Life hasn't been the same since you left, and I don't think it ever will be.  We miss you all the time, and your brothers talk about you all the time which makes me proud that the don't forget you!  We took a four day weekend and will every year to celebrate you and to be a family!  On your birthday we went to the beach where we thought you'd like to go, and the boys bought you a birthday cake for dinner.  We put a candle on it and sang happy birthday to you too.  We love you baby girl always and forever.  I dream all the time that things were different and that you were here with us.   I don't understand why you were taken away from us? Why we weren't aloud to save you? Why and Why they go on and on!  Happy Belated Birthday Anna. Love mom, Dad and your brothers

Yes we have a DAUGHTER!!!

Well this week Anna should have enter our lives beautiful (which she was) and healthy and strong.  However she was taken away early and that pretty much kills me (us).  However what hurts even more is when people close to us make comments not always too us but in passing or just in general which in some ways is connected to our family, that she didn't exist.  I guess for some, they believe we don't have a daughter because she is not crying or crawling around on the floor today.  We well never get to call her name, tell her come in from outside, Stop fighting with her brothers., and the list goes on.  The thing is ...Anna is our daughter and always will be, she, is a sister granddaughter, great granddaughter, niece, a cousin even though she was only blessed with 30min of life.  I will not deny her of the life she was suppose to have. I will celebrate her birthday on Feb 26th for the rest of my life, I will talk to her as she is in my heart, I will continue to dream of the dreams I had for her..  She will always and forever be included in our family forever.  We talk to the boys about her and they see her pictures on the wall.  She is very much around us, we play her music globe and dance to her song, we say good night to her and the most important thing of all WE ALL LOVE HER!!!

Found a song for you!

Love you always!

Missing you!

Anna 4 wks you enter and left our life.....Still pretty much feels like today.  How many mask can one wear I don't know but we are getting a good collection of them, I am afraid.  true fact of reality our family and life will never be what it use to be and if there was a normal it is far gone now.  Time they say is what you need to heal, how   much time no one can tell you.

All I can say is:

Missing you

Not one minute goes by we don't think of you!
Not one day goes by we don't look at your pictures
Not one morning goes by we don't say good morning to you
Not one night goes by we don't say good night to you
Not one moment goes by we don't wish you were here with us
Not one moment goes by we don't wish we could kiss and hold you again
Not one moment goes by that we don't wish we could have saved you
Not one moment goes by that we don't love you.
we will love you  till the end of time.

I look at your brothers and my heart breaks as I know you will never get to do all the things they are doing, We won't hear you laugh...the list goes on!!!!!
People say to be thankful we had the time with you that we did!!!  the 30 minutes of life, the hours after you past before it was finally time to say our final goodbye.  God we miss you!!!  One day I hope the pain of that day and our future without you won't hurt so much and we can remember our time together in a beautiful special time.
Dad brought you home a week or so ago, not the way we wish it could be but you are finally home with us. We love you always!!!

Anna Isabelle Flynn We love you!!!

Anna Isabelle Flynn born February 26,2012 8:25am Past away February 26,2012 9:00 am.  We love you always and miss forever! 
*picture of Anna at the end of post don't scroll all the way down if you don't want to see her!


Our Angel
Anna Isabelle Flynn
12.9oz 10 inches long
February 26, 2012


It's been two weeks today!!! Feels like it happened this morning!


Well this post might have too much truth for some but there are some things I just don't want to hear from anyone after this devastating event that has taken place with our family.  We were hit with a parents worst nightmare.  We were losing and  lost our daughter and there is nothing that can be done to stop it or bring her back.  I am not going to go into detail here at all.  I don't want to and it too hard to keep going over it, even though in my head it is on constant reply.

Anna was beautiful, she was innocent, she was pure however we could not save her. No matter how hard we try to hold on to her and not let her go.  I have to say ppl talk about miracles and hope well those to things have been crushed for us.  The boys will never see their sister and not till they are older will they know about her.  We didn't want them to hurt like we are.  Leaving L&D floor with a box and not a baby is pretty un- bearable

Now there are some things that I don't want to hear from anyone not strangers, friends and not family at all.  The main one is and it has already been said and it took all my might not to respond.

1., We don't want to hear well you are blessed with 3 beautiful boys!!! Really you don't think we don't know this. That for the last 5yrs I wasn't aware that I have 3 wonderful boys serious??!!  However that doesn't change the fact that we have lost another child.  It doesn't matter that we lost her now or if it was months, yrs after birth.  we lost a child.  Would you tell us if we lost one of the boys now that "well you are still blessed with 2 healthy beautiful boys".  Would you want to hear that the child you just lost you weren't blessed to have?????.

2.or Well it is better it happen now than later...don't even go there.  If you never had a lost early or late(even thought I have to say from personal experience losing Anna is harder than some of our others losses for me)  Till you lose someone you won't know how it feels.  Losing anyone hurts, but out living your child is completely different pain than I have ever felt after losing someone. This pain isn't even something you can truly imagine either. To have life in you, to feel it move, to hear it's heart, to hold that life, to kiss that life with your bare lips etc. and than have it taken away!!!  You are changed forever!!!!!!!!!

We have 4 beautiful children not three But 4 and some reason we didn't get option to live a long life with Anna but she is still our child and always will be.


I will stop here b/c it pain full and writing when emotional is not always a good thing for me! but I needed to write about Anna our beautiful daughter who we love!!!

Anna with her baptism bracelet

Happy New Years

Can't believe there are 5 hours left to our 2011 yr(tom was reading over my shoulder and I actually had 2010 written in there....just shows you I am already missing a yr).  Where is the time going I have no idea but I wish I knew, like I know so many others do, I wish I could slow it down!  Kids definitely speed things up and the more kids you have the faster and faster it goes, how that is possible I don't know but so very true.  I can remember Noah's whole first yr in detail but Jonas's and Lucas's I have no clue what happen, except that their first yr has gone and past.   This yr has had it's many ups and downs but over all it has been a great year.  Just watching our boys grow up is pretty amazing, I have to say I am so lucky that I can stay home with them.

Well this past yr, Noah started pre-school two mornings a week, which has me more comfortable that he will be okay going to Kindergarten this Fall.  I never had one crying moment with him with school and he loved it right away.  It is not an educational program but more social and they do crafts and follow some instructions, which is pretty much what I wanted since we do more educational things at home(now I am not like someone home schooling, so don't think I go crazy and have activities planned out all the time b/c I don't) but we read a lot, and practice writing some days and we spell all the time(mostly Noah quizzes me haha).  He can write a few words himself and of course is name and somewhere has been able to color inside the lines a lot better, not sure when and how that happened seems like over night.

Jonas is still pretty shy, but just the shy state, where he doesn't talk, he doesn't freak out or have to hide behind me or anything, he just pretend the ppl he is shy towards is not there haha.  He's able to ride is bike a lot better now and can almost glide. He really good at counting and his ABC's recongition has come a long way.  He had a wonderful 3rd birthday.  Lucky boy had it in Hawaii and than another one home here with two of his friends.

Lucas is full of life, and not shy at all(none of our kids were shy before the age of 2 thankfully..but I expect at 2 he will be).  He can be past around like a hand me down and not care unless he sick than he pretty much wants me.  He hasn't been the best sleeper and it just seem like as we get him on track things change, either flying back home, vacation or be illl the sleep goes out the window(we are sick right now sigh).

Tom's work is going well, he is enjoying it and he has a job still woo hoo. haha  I do look forward to him not being in a start up one of these days but we do the best we can.

My year is pretty much busy with the kids and life as a SHAM, some how there doesn't seem to be enough time in a day to finish my list or keep what I have  accomplished looking very accomplished but I guess that has to do with 3 small children and a very tired husband coming home from work.

I have to say I was happy that in 2010, we got Lucas Baptized and finally after 3.5 yr got to go on a family vacation which was very much needed.  The only thing that I wish was for Tom and I could have done is gone on at least one date night but it never happen. Our last night out I was 7 months pregnant with Lucas. Well over a yr now but that is a pretty minor thing in the large scheme of things.  I am sure that we'll be able to go out on all the date nights in which what for me will feel like tomorrow(not really tomorrow but most likely 19 yrs from now but hey I thought we were starting 2011 tomorrow haha.  SO I am sure 2031 will be here before I know it haha)

I am actually looking forward to 2012, and I hope that some of my dream will come true this yr.  I know we'll have challenges as every yr does.  I see some big ones already but I know we'll get through those as we got through all of last yrs.

merry Christmas

Well a little late but that is normal here.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.  We sure had a great one and it even felt a little more like Christmas with Grampie down.  I wish we could have family down every yr for Christmas.  Reminds me of my Christmas as a child and my Grampie and Nannie stayed with us.  The boys were so excited Christmas day running around before we sat down to open our stockings.

But I will back up a week before Christmas....

Grampie showed up  Sunday night, so the boys didn't see him.  Grampie even stayed up till mid night our time, shocking.  However we heard not pitter patter at 3 am but cluck cluck up the hall.  3 am really we just went to bed 3 hours ago. Tom got up and found grampie and told him just like he would the boys to go back to bed...It was hilarious actually.  So grampie when back to bed but still got up at 5 am yup just 2 more hours.  We heard him but he was a little quieter but still set the door sensor off to Like Noah says "a bad habit".  Lucky he didn't wake the kids but did us.  Well I won't go step by steps our days with grampie but will cover some of the funny episodes.  Poor grampie got a few lectures and sent to bed a few nights.

Well  grampie got question a lot about his bad habits haha and no there was no coaching on our part.  But made Tom and I laugh at lot.

Than there was a morning Noah came out and told Grampie that he had to walk a certain way like him and grand dad( something I can't describe and you have to see) but he imitate Granddad gate, as Granddad legs aren't good and does have trouble walking, however Grampie is completely find.  But tom and I were dying laughing in our bed listening to him and trying not to wake up Lucas who slept in our room.

Grampie also got lecture of breaking rules the first few days.  Noah informed him that we do not leave the table till we are all done especially to run out and do his bad habit.

Also told him he can't through his bad habit on the ground when he was done, and grampie told him he wasn't.

Oh and the first few days Noah reminded not that grampie need to be reminded to wash his hands when he leaves the bathroom. Grampie told him he never forgets! lol

Lastly Grampie even got kicked out of the kitchen after trying to pick up the very hot pan with his bare hands and than throwing it back down firing a glass of milk at me.(yes we were all laughing)  Grampie did help out with the cooking and it was greatly appreciated too.

There are many others but I will stop there.

We all loved having grampie here but I think we'll all complain it was too short of a trip(sorry Grampie but it was)  however is was awesome to have him here for Christmas Day.

The boys got spoiled from grampie and the boys loved every moment.  I also got to go to an appt kid free woo hoo. haha that doesn't happen never often, and grampie survived (one boy napped though the whole time haha)

So back to Christmas, I can't really describe it all but say it was very warm(not meaning temp, but yes outside was warmer than Canadian Christmas.  Grampie had great weather I think it was 15C out his whole trip and had no rain, not our normal winter but nice) and magical Christmas.  The gifts were a hit and not sure but the boys did very well this yr( I guess picking things up all yr helps with that(one of Lucas gifts actually was bought in 2009 for Jonas but than we didn't give it haha), and I think I actually cooked my best Christmas meal yet. Last yr meal was a disaster as I didn't know the oven didn't cook at the temp it said and we had a very under cooked and un-editable turkey.

Oh and over the week Lucas has learn to say hockey,and thank you! he's growing up too fast.

I hope all you had a great Christmas.