Living in a can and loosing my mind....

.....yup that is me. I have been trying to clean and get rid of stuff to make more room in this tiny tin can that we live in. I have thrown some stuff out but not enough and I can't get rid of some things by myself b/c well I can't lift the armour, or the gliding chair anymore, that I need to get rid of because there is no room and they are just sitting in the closet anyhow. I took apart of the crappy surround sound home theater system that we have today because well tom turns off the subwoofer b/c it's too loud for the apartment, the speaker cut in and out and the rears are unplugged, I have no idea why. So why do we have it all if we aren't using them....they are going out the door to goodwill. Now where to put the computer????? I just can't think of that at the moment at all. What to do with the kitty litter? I have no idea yet either but at least I don't have to worry too much about that till the little on starts to crawl thank goodness.

I am coming to the conclusion that I will be over 40 before we will be living in something bigger, which is depressing and to tell you the truth being forty won't be the depressing part but just knowing that we have lived most of my life in a tin can does. Time flies by so fast, and 40 is only 13 years away for me and 10 yrs away from Tom, it's crazy how time flies. I guess at least one day even if we are old we will have a bigger place or maybe not because once the kids are grown, we'll probably down size to a smaller place...So maybe we'll just keep living in the tin can. No one can say that time doesn't fly. I look at my nephews and nieces and well the oldest is 7 years old now, I was in UNI when he was born and was around to babysit him. I don't know how he got to be 7 already. Just ask your parents if they can believe how old all their children are. I bet they can remember like it was just yesterday when they had their first child or even when they brought each of us home.

I was day dreaming the other day and started looking at housing around here and well we are only 700,000 dollars short hahahaha, you know just pocket change. Well not our pockets I have checked. We couldn't even afford the low income senior housing here that were for sale in the mobile park, I guess with prices like these I can keep dreaming. Dreams are nice to have so well I guess I will try to keep that in mine. It's not so much as not having a house but the fact that it would be nice to live in a space that is bigger than a 850 sq ft cube.

However I try to remember all the more positive stuff like I am so thankful that tom and I go on trips and see different parts of the world, that is so important to us. I just couldn't imagine living in one area and never experience anything else out there. There is so many amazing thing out there to see and we have only been to three different countries, beside Canada and have only seen a little part of each of those countries. Hopefully it will continue to happen even when this little one comes in June. This little one might see more of the world before s/he can really remember it but at least we will have some pictures of it. Where to go next? who knows there is so much of Europe we want to see, Italy, Ireland, Scotland, just few examples and other places as will outside of Europe.

Well It's been a while I guess from the last update on how the baby and I are doing. We had a doctors appointment last Monday and things were good, the heart rate was strong and I was measuring right on target, so no concerns yet. I getting really tired mostly because I don't sleep anymore. Most nights I am up 6 times just because I wake up, sometimes to pee or my hips are killing me. So I am thinking that not sleep now is just preparing for when the baby is here. Tom's been really good dealing with me and my lack of sleep I must add b/c lack of sleep and pregnancy hormones just don't mix that well for me. However I got to get tom on board about realizing that 10 wks and a few days is not that far off, and has to start helping me prepare more instead of thinking we have all the time in the world till this little one comes. If you know tom well than you know his frame of time lines and distance is not that good. Some of you might remember a walk from our old place in Ottawa to Hull and he said it was about a 5 min walk when it's more like a 30min walk. Well I think that's it for now not much news just one very pregnant women's rambles.

3rd Trimester!!!!

I can't believe it, I have finally made it to the 3rd trimester, what a blessing it is. Not much is new with us. I am moving a lot slower and well all the other stuff that comes with pregnancy. I have finally joined a prenatal yoga class which is near our house and is on Thursday nights. Not sure how good I will be at it but just maybe I will meet someone at the class. Tom is happy that I finally joined one and now we got to get him into a soccer club or something. Our next doctor appointment is next Monday, to see how things are going. I am hoping that this baby not too big. Tom keeps saying he wants a BIG sturdy baby and I tell him if he keeps wishing a BIG baby on me that I am going to wish kidney stones on him since they say that is the closest way a male can experience giving birth. I just want a health baby no more than 7bls since it's coming out of me. If he wants the BIG baby he can push it out of him. Funny how men don't think of how it actually feels to get stretched pretty much to the point of the no return. I also think it's true that if it was up to man giving birth there would be no children. I know tom and he wouldn't do it. You know man when they get sick or hurt and yes all women know what I am talking about. Well everything else is good with us, just the slow everyday living here.

Last week of second trimester!!!!

I can't believe today marks the last week of the second trimester!!!! It's hard to believe that 6months has passed into the pregnancy and there are only 3months to go. I am 98 days away from our est. due date but don't get excited folks because this little one probably won't come any sooner than June 24th no matter what the ultrasound said. I am think it will be sometime after the 24th when this little one will grace us with her/his presents. Well the old belly is getting bigger which I like to see and thankfully that is all that is growing. I haven't gained anymore weight since our last doctors appointment, which I am not upset with. Everything seems to be progressing just fine. Baby is pretty good , s/he doesn't keep me up at night and doesn't wake me up either. The baby seem to fall asleep when i do and waits for me to wake up before s/he starts moving. It looks like the baby is not going to be like dad in the mornings because after I wake up about 5 mins later this little goes right to town with a party.

We are having a wonderful weekend this weekend in CA. The sun is out and the weather is shorts weather, got to love that. I also love it because I am tired of wearing my only two pairs of maternity paints that won't stay up. I have four pairs of shorts that we bought for Hawaii so I have a little bigger wardrobe which is nice. The plan for today is just like yesterday, to stay outside in the sun and to try to get a few things done. Yesterday we manage to buy some folding cloth diapers and a few fitted cloth diaper(for night time), and of course the plastic diaper covers. I will go back in a month or so to buy some more. I didn't want to make one big purchase at once, littler purchases are just easier on the old wallet. We are going to go to Ikea to see if they have some smaller computer desks. We'll need a smaller one when the time comes to move the office into the kitchen, when the baby is moved out of our room. The desk even thought is not big is just too big for the kitchen. That is still a few months way after the baby comes, so there is no rush to buy one just now, we just need some dimension for future planning. I however need another small bookcase because tom is just collecting too many computer books and they are just getting piled everywhere in the house. Well I think that is all for now with us, time to run I need to get out in the sun.

I can't see the birds!!!

I hear the birds but where are they? Come here birdy birdy!!!

Another day waiting

Well this is the second day that I have to stay home and wait for the Auto glass guys to come and replace our windshield on the car. Monday they gave us a time of come from 9-5pm and I must say I was happy when they came just before lunch so I didn't have to wait that long. However, since the once chip grew to more of a larger crack when waiting for them to have an appointment for us, they couldn't it fixed on Monday b/c he didn't have the windshield replacement with him. So I get to wait once again today for another guy to come out and replace the windshield with the time of 8-12pm. Which I didn't think was bad but now that it's a 11:17am and they still haven't called I am not impressed. So this morning since my back is still hurting I have been just working away on my baby blanket, hoping to rest a bit so I can run out this afternoon and get some things done. I have also been trying to record the baby's kicks with the camera but every time I get the camera ready the baby goes quiet till I put the camera down. Hahaha I guess he/she is just going to be like mom and hide from the camera :). I will get the shot sometime, I just got to be sneaky. Well I am happy the weather here has been amazing and I have been wear shorts for a few days now and it is great!!! I was hoping to go swimming before lunch but that is not happening since I am still waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll try to go swimming later this afternoon. I can't wait for this weekend it's suppose to be over 20C outside and the time goes ahead on sunday so that means longer sunnier days!!!!!! Can't wait for this weekend.

Good weekend in USA

Well this weekend tom and I were out and we finally found some good chocolate. That is right this weekend we walked into one of the little Chinese corner store that bring in different stuff around the world and I just happen to look down on the shelf and they had nestle coffee crips bars. I couldn't believe it that the US brought in some Canadian chocolate that is made in Canada and not just a company down here trying to make the same thing. As well tom went to Digital Moose infor session for taxes/green card for Canadians living in the US and he got some smarties too. What a good chocolate weekend, not that I need it and after eating chocolate my acid reflux acts up but it was good when I was eating it.

Baby is right on schedule

Well we are back from the doctor's office this morning and everything is looking good. The baby is measuring 24-25wks so that is pretty much right on, where I will be 25wks on Sunday. Heart beat is strong and was found right away. Weight gain is looking good not too much and not too little, however I am still worried that this is going to be a big baby. I don't think I look huge but the little one feels really heavy. Next appointment is on March 26th so we'll see how things go from now till than.

Well I am almost done that blanket for the baby I have two squares left to finish and than I have see how I want to put a backing on it(it doesn't have to have one but I want one). Once I get it completed I will post a picture of it. Got some names in mind but we are going to keep that a surprise till the little one comes. We aren't going to narrow it down to one because I find that too hard, so we'll problem have three boys and three girls names in mind and than decide when we are in the hospital after the birth.

Fish that we saw when snorkeling

Update on things

Well the weekend is here and I must say I am tired. Tiffany came down for her spring break from Victoria, BC and I must say we had a really good time. We went to the city(San Francisco) and did some sight seeing, I took her to Gilroy for some outlet shopping, and I took her out to eat some different foods!!!!! However, right at the end she got the flu....Tiff I better not get it ;), hope you feel better soon.

Well as good things come there is always something that sneaks up on you and on Friday morning we found our windshield on the car cracked. We don't even remember something hitting our windshield so now we need to pay for a new windshield. Not really happy about it, the car is not even a year old but what can you do but nothing. No since getting mad or upset it won't fix it.

So today was an early day where we got up at 5:20am to drive Tiff back to the airport and we just decided to stay up and go to bed early tonight. We went out for breakfast, than rested a bit and went out to Burlington Coat Factory to the Baby Depot. We finally got our car seat for the baby, a few onesies for newborns because they were 10 for 15 dollars which is pretty good for here and I got tom a book, father guide for the first year, for some bathroom reading :). Well I can't lie I have a small group of women that I talk to on a pregnancy board online. There are four of us that talk quite often and I am so jealous of them. They are all dressing up their nurseries for their baby's and are sharing pictures and they look so good. I really wish I had a room to do up. I just keep telling myself that we are saving money by not having a room for the baby but still I walk in to the stores and see the wooden cribs, blankets, lamps etc that I like and would love to buy. Maybe next time around I will have a room to decorate(wishful thinking).

picture of our car seat

Now hopefully tomorrow we can move the furniture around in the office/spare room just to see if somehow we can get more space. Might have to put the office in the dinning room and move the dinning room more into the living room but we'll see what happens.

Our Maui trip

Okay so now that we are back I know some of you have asked to hear about our trip to Maui. We have loads of pictures and memories of this trip. It was completely amazing for a relaxation trip. We laid on the beach almost every morning except maybe the 3 days where we had to leave early for activity days we booked. Maui is totally different from O'ahu/Waikiki where we went last yr. But they are both great in different ways. I love Hawaii it reminds me a lot of the Maritimes. It's more laid back and not so rushed, which is what I like. So for the first few days we just relaxed and walked around and took one drive up to the west coast of the island where we stop in a little town called Lahaina, which was right on the water and was probably the most touristy part of the island but it's not that touristy (pretty quiet) compared to Waikiki. We continued up to the far west part where all of a sudden the road goes to one very tight lane that follows the coast. We found out after that rental cars weren't suppose to be on that section. Oops. But we found a little stand which is supposed to be the islands most famous banana bread which they ran out before we got there but we tried a sample (it was really good but I can say it wasn't healthy) and bought some taro chips and some nuts.Our first trip that we paid for was the Haleakala Volcano sunrise tour. We got picked up at 3:30am at our hotel and got to the top around 6am and sunrise was at 6:50am. I must say we were told to bring light cover up and when I got up there well I wish we had our winter coats. The wind was brutal and made it colder. I was so cold up there but once the sun came up the temp did warm up some.

Our next trip that we went on was called the road to Hana. It was a nice tour just because neither one of us had to drive the 617 curves and 56 one lane bridges, which meant that both of us got to enjoy the scenery of the trip. This was another earlier morning pick up but not too bad just 7am this time. We drove through a town called Pa'ia were Willy Nelson lives part of the yr and just outside of this town at Ho'okipa Beach, which is supposed to be a world famous windsurfing beach where the most experienced surfers go for part of the day and the windsurfers take over the rest. The windsurfers weren't out due to the little wind that day when we got there but there were a few surfers out. On the road to Hana we saw beautiful trees, flowers, wild roosters, black and red sand beaches, waterfalls etc. However due to an earthquake Maui had at the end of last yr a bridge was out and we couldn't continue to Maui's winery or the O'heo Gulch Pools nicknamed"Seven Sacred Pools". So we went to the winery ourselves another day.Our last activity day was our snorkeling trip and I haven't gotten the pictures developed from our underwater cameras but as soon as I do I will post them. I must say that the snorkeling trip was the best activity Tom and I did besides just being together and relaxing. At first we were a little nervous just because we haven't snorkelled before and out of both of us, I am definitely the swimmer in the family but I must say after adjusting to it Tom took to the water like a fish and had a big smile on his face. We didn't get to see any green sea turtles at the second snorkeling sight which was a little disappointing but over all it was amazing and if we ever get back there I will want to do it again and again. While we were on the boat sailing from site to site and back home we got to see dolphins and whales which was amazing.

Maui Pictures

Just click on the picture and it will take you to a web album of our Maui Pictures.

From pictures from...

On the beach tomorrow at noon in Maui

Well folks just wanted to remind you that Tom and I will be out of reach for the next 10days. We leave for Maui tomorrow at 8am and get to Maui at noon time. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!

Well not much is new here at all, just our normal every day lives here. I am just finishing up the cleaning in the house before we go, we take Bella tonight to one of Tom's co-workers place for them to look after her while we are gone. I am going to miss her, she's been such a cuddle bug lately, especially in the evenings. This morning tom felt the baby kick for the first time and not just once kick either which I was happy for. He was pretty happy in his sleepy state of mind. This Sunday we were suppose to post up another belly picture for 22wk but it will have to be posted when we get back.

My next doctors appointment is my March 2nd, which we are looking forward to. Well everyone normally ask how I am doing. Well I try not to complain because everything is 100 % better than the first 17 weeks which I am very thankful for. But I am not one to enjoy being pregnant which bums me out. I have aways looked forward to the joy of being pregnant but I guess I didn't get blessed with the joy end of the stick. I still can't really enjoy a lot of foods and it's not just one or two because of heart burn (which I have never had in my life before), I get strong sharp pains in my low back and sacral area (it"s not sciatica it's more in the SI joint which makes it hard to walking sometimes), and than I probably have the common aches and pain that most pregnant women have. The only joy I do really have is felling the baby move at the moment and knowing we are going to have a baby roughly in 4months and 3 days (I will be 5 months on Sunday) !!!! Tom is a little bummed that I don't have any craving at all. He was really looking forward of telling people at work all the things I crave during pregnancy. However I am lucky if I ever feel hungry or desire any food at all (yes people I do eat I just don't care what or when I eat anymore). I can't wait till the day where I want to eat food because I am hungry or crave something because I love food. Well I think that sums up everything here with us. When we get back from our trip I'll try to post some pictures up.

Being a Parent

Well when one becomes a parent you do your best at making sure your child/children are safe and healthy. So why are some parent's in denial about what their actions, and what does it really say to their children. How can you be mad at a child if you the parent is doing the exact same behaviors or lifestyle. I was raised to be a person to treat others how you wish to be treated, to always do your best at what is in front of you, family is important etc.... Those were just a few things I took way from my childhood. Now as the time approaches Tom and I will be the ones to teach our child/children the right from wrong and what is important to us. One big thing for us is our child/children health and will be right till they grow up and than they will be making their own decides for themselves and their family. We want our child/children to be involved in activities, doesn't matter if it's sports or something else but whatever they want to be in but they are not sitting in front of the computer all day. Another thing is that we want them in a smoke free environment. Smoking way back when my 101 yr old grandfather who passed away August 2006 was a boy/young adult was told by advertisements etc. that smoking was sexy and great. But that was years ago and what year are we living in now? We now know the effects of smoking on the smoker and the people around them. Smoke gets into everything and everywheres. It turns white walls yellow and soaks into everything that is around it and stays in it. Sometime takes a few washes to finally get smoke out of clothes etc. Here is just some information on smoking and children.

What's in second-hand smoke

Tobacco smoke contains more than 4,000 substances, of which more than 40 are known to cause cancer.

These carcinogens include:

arsenic. nickel, chromium, cadmium, lead, polonium-210, vinyl chloride, formaldehyde, benz(a)anthracene, benzo[b]fouoranthene, benzo[j]fluoranthene, benzo[k]fluoranthene, benzo[a]pyrene, chrysene, dibenz[a,h]anthracene, dibenzo[a,I]pyrene, dibenzo[a,l]pyrene, indeno [1,2,3-c,d]pyrene, 5-methylchrysene, quinoline, dibenz[a,h]acridine, dibenz[a,j]acridine, 7H-dibenzo[c,g]carbazole, N-nitrosodimethylamine, N-nitrosoethylmethylamine, N-nitrosodiethylamine, N-snitrosopyrrolidine, N-nitrosodimethylamine, N’-nitrosonornicotine, 4-(methylnitrosamino)-1-(3-pyridyl)-1-butanone, N’-nitrosoanabasine, N-nitrosomorpholine, 2-toluidine, 2-naphthylamine, 4-aminobiphenyl, acetaldehyde, crotonaldehyde, benzene, acrylonitrile, 1,1-dimethylhydrazine, 2-nitropropane, ethylcarbamate, hydrazine.

Even if smoking is restricted to a single room, the harmful constituents of cigarette smoke can be dispersed throughout the house. Many of these highly dangerous chemicals are in invisible gas form.

Second-hand smoke (which is sometimes called environmental tobacco smoke or ETS) contains toxic substances, over 40 of which cause cancer. Some of these substances are in stronger concentrations in second-hand smoke than they are in the smoke that goes directly into smokers’ lungs.

ETS is causally linked with a number of adverse health effects in children (under 18), including:

• lower respiratory tract infections (i.e. croup, bronchitis and pneumonia)
• increased fluid in the middle ear
• upper respiratory tract irritation
• reduced lung function
• additional episodes of asthma
• increased severity of asthmatic symptoms in children
• reduced oxygen flow to tissues, comparable to children with anemia, cyanotic heart disease or chronic lung disease ^†

ETS is also associated with:

• Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)
• acute middle ear infections (otitis media)
• tonsillectomy
• meningococcal infections
• cancers and leukemias in childhood
• slower growth
• adverse neurobehavioural effects
• upper respiratory tract infections (colds and sore throats)
• unfavorable cholesterol levels and initiation of atherosclerosis (heart disease)
  

Why kids are especially vulnerable

Young children are especially vulnerable to second-hand smoke in the home because:

• they breathe more air relative to body weight (and for the same level of exposure will absorb more tobacco smoke toxins)
• they are less able to complain (either because they are too young, or because their complaints are ignored)
• their immune system is less protective
• they are less able to remove themselves from exposure

Not much new...

Well not too much is new. Tom is working hard and I am trying to get things down around the house, out of the house and than my crafts. Besides that we are looking forward to our trip in February. I am looking fat not really pregnant so that is great :(. Just starting to get heart burn so that is a lot of fun too. The baby is moving more and last night I saw my belly jump very quickly, I though I imagine it but than I felt it kick later with my hand, but nothing since than. I can't wait till there is more of them so tom can feel them. Well I got to run to the store and get a few groceries for dinner. I am really running behind today my backs been sore so I sort of let everything slide today. I am a bit mad at myself because yesterday I got all the stuff done that needed to be done outside the house like banking etc. and today was suppose to be a house day of cleaning and baking some homemade bread/white pan rolls. Here is hoping I get caught up tomorrow.

Maui it is

Well last night we decided that it would be Maui and not Rome for our trip. Tom booked the trip and it's all paid for, well not really paid for it's on the Cards. I don't think Tom and I like having a low balance on our cards b/c every time we get them half way paid off (it's not a little amount either) we put more on it. One day we will have that card on a low balance but hey you need to live too. No since saving everything till you retire, you never know what the future will hold for you. So we are going to live in the present and I will try not to worry till later. Somehow things manage to work themselves out in the end, how I don't know but they do. We are hoping that next summer or fall to get to Rome. Hopefully we can convince a babysitter(s) to come out here and live for a week or two and look after the little one, while we take off (You know who you are);). Or we will take the little one with us. Got to love free flights for children under the age of 2. But who really knows what will happen in a years time but it's still fun to dream. So February 8th we fly to Maui and relax and enjoy 29C temps. I can't wait for those type of temps it's been so cold here and LA got snow a few days ago. I was so mad when I saw that. We are farther north then they are and we only got frost and frozen puddles on the ground :(. I hate the cold but if there is snow than it makes me feel better, than just having cold weather. Well here is to Maui and sun shine let it come fast but last long.

Can't decide!!! and it's driving me crazy!!!!

Well we are still flip flopping on our trip to somewheres......it's driving me crazy. We got the go a head from the doctor but for some reason we are stalling on the fact, should go and where to go. I really really want to do our trip to Italy and there is a sale on from San Fran to Rome... We only have till the end of February to go some where. We have also talked about going to a different island in Hawaii too. But for some reason we want to see something new and exciting. I have a feeling if we don't go I'll regret it big time but we are also nervous to go too. grrrr. I hate decision like this. Some days I just say lets do it and other days I say I am not sure. Here is hoping that we do go though because after the baby comes I know I won't want to leave the baby even for a night :).

Project list of things that have been started and not finished.

Things that I should finish before the summer......somehow there doesn't seem to be enough time!!

Crafts
1. Finish the baby afghan that I started in 2005 and almost finished. Just four more squares and than write the date of the birth in a blanks square and the name in the alternating blank square.

2. Finish two other baby afghans (one was suppose to be a gift)
3. Finish my scrapbook up till this point in tom's and my life...going to have to start getting photos printed off.

Baking/Cooking
1. Finish my Christmas chocolates baking for Tom's work...a little late but better than never.
2. Get after tom to buy the deep freezer so I can start cooking meals and freezing them so we can have meals after the baby is born and try to stay a way from take out(Tom's idea of cooking a meal).
3. Once we have the freezer start cooking.

Fitness
1. Get sign up for a prenatal Yoga class for February and march.

Shop
1. Still a few months away but than start buying the few things we need for the baby...cloth diapers(got to love the fact that I found a store that has them for baby under 8lbs and than the normal 8lbs+), something for the baby to sleep in(probably a arm's reach co-sleeper that hold till 30lbs), car seat, some clothes and a few odds and ends like soap for the baby etc.

4 months Today

Well folks we are four months today!!!! I have had the best three days since I was 5 weeks pregnant. Not only was I not sick, I was not nauseated and I got to eat some food. I am still not craving food and never really hungry or care what I eat, but I got to eat which was really good. Today was a great day we ate some dim sum, played some min golf and the weather was gorgeous (very unusual for the winter months but I am not complaining one bit). We finally bought two items for the baby but that will probably be it for awhile. We got a diaper bag from clearance and a baby carrier which can carry the baby facing outward or inward. The rest of the stuff I have been researching and I have some ideas but after the consumer report done on infants cars seats it's pretty much narrowed down to two and we'll probably get one in May. Well the baby has been moving around a bit today which is nice and reassuring and I like it for now until it starts hurting. Only 5months to go and lets hope for more days like the last three. Oh we forgot to take the picture today which we thought was 16wks but as of now is 17wks, so we'll take it tomorrow morning and get it posted.

Pictures of the Ultrasound

Hi all I just wanted to let you know that I am trying to keep all baby pictures in the same place so I posted the ultrasound pictures on the belly page. Today is a better day and I have lots to try and get done because if I I don't I think tom will kill me. So my goals today are clean the kitchen, do all the laundry, must be at least 6 loads :(, go for a long walk or do my yoga DVD recommendation by the doctor to get some exercise in, and try to finish a baby blanket I start back in 2005. Good think I only have about four squares left to cross stitch before starting another one. Hopefully I will get most of the cleaning done. Well got to run while the sickness is at bay.

Dancing BABY

Well we just got back from our big ultrasound appointment and we got a dancer here. The technician had a little bit of difficulty getting freeze frames of the baby becaues the baby wouldn't stop moving. It's little legs were jumping all over the place, even hit it's self in the head with it's hand and was arching its back to a postion I don't think we could do. I think the baby was very excited for its big debut on the big screen (wink). So even though I was trying not to be sick while they were doing the ultrasound(because today was not a good day for keep food down). Tom and I were really happy to see the little one moving all over the place and the heart looked good too. We could have sat there all night watching the screen. We got about 6 pictures of the baby and I will try to scan them in tomorrow when I am feeling better. Once I can really start feeling this baby move I think I am going to be black and blue inside.